thestormishere | ☈ strike #14 (action / voice)

☈ strike #14 (action / voice)

[ After the whole fiasco with having to take down Jack Horner's dragon form, Lightning's been thinking a lot lately-- namely, about her own trouble with maintaining a human form and fallout from failing against her will several months ago- both things which, frankly, she's been trying to avoid.

However, she can't just keep ignoring it forever, can she? Especially considering that ever since then, even if she's continued to grow slowly stronger and is currently safe from the ramifications of an active l'Cie Brand... the 'penalty' she was saddled with makes using her powers a lot harder than how it used to be.

And so she practices, attempting to get a handle on the magic that's there but no longer instinctive like it once was. Healing magic is fairly easy to figure out, the weaker elemental things like Thunder and Water are simple enough if difficult to aim now, but as for the more complicated spells...?

As for learning new ones...?

She can be found alternately in the battle dome and outside near the edges of town quite a bit during these last few days, with and without her gunblade and various other weapons from before and during her time spent here. She's not really doing much actual fighting, though; it's obvious she's trying to do something, concentrating for sometimes minutes at a time, before casting something that just seems to flicker in the air around her, or light up the edges of her weapons with bright-colored energy.

After some time and a lot of deliberation, she turns to the journals. ]

-- Filtered to House Lucky occupants --

Hey. Have a minute?

-- - --

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[ ... Oh, whoops, unexpected outburst. An odd expression passes over Lightning's face as she smooths it out- is she mad at Aerith? Definitely not, but afterward, it's still kind of hard to get over something as abjectly horrifying as that entire experience had been. Turns out she's much more upset than she typically tries to let on... though for good reason, of course....

Her gaze falls to the ground, brows coming together in irritation, voice suddenly losing most of its inflection. ]

Let's just focus on seeing if this works.

Light, I... [Wait, what is Lightning upset about? She wouldn't get that upset just because of her bringing up her own use of magic...

...Except the way Light's brand had reacted to it was the beginning of the events leading to her death.

It gives her a queasy feeling treading on this subject, but that's not as important as how upset Lightning is.]

[And then she reaches with her hand to cover the simulation panel, looking Lightning in the face.]

Maybe we should wait.

Edited 2011-07-15 17:54 (UTC)

[ Oh, great. GREAT. Lightning can tell Aerith is looking at her, but she doesn't exactly return the favor at first. Despite all her insistence at getting others to work through what's bothering them... no, she doesn't want to touch on that thing that in the end very nearly managed to shatter her mind completely. It's going to take more than just a few months to manage putting herself together after that... if it's even possible at all to do completely.

And... at that, she just shuts down instead of answering, crossing her arms with closed eyes, letting out a sigh through her nose. Easy answer would be to jump the gun and claim it's nothing, but... she's way too honest even when agitated, apparently. ]

Come on. [Lightning will find a hand on her shoulder, though it's gentle.] Can we just sit down for a few minutes? And relax.

You're not supposed to come here to relax.

[ Dry reply, but it's mostly to cover the fact that Lightning's actually starting to feel mildly panicked at the idea of being cornered here. She tends to have a pretty strange version on how a fight or flight instinct manifests, but already her heart rate's increasing, and she's obviously tense beneath the touch to her shoulder.

Can't they just work on magic like planned...? :( ]

[The tension is different. If Aerith thought it was anger, she'd back off--and likely bow out of the magic practice. However, that's not the impression she's getting.]

I didn't think you were supposed to go in all worked up, either. ...I'm really not trying to pry, Light, but I can't pretend you're not upset.

... I know. But-- what am I supposed to do here? Keep trying to--? I don't know, Aerith. I don't want to mess around.

[ She cuts off, voice charged with stress and wrapping her arms together even tighter, gaze narrowed but unfocused where it's aimed towards the ground. Growing so upset, so quickly- this really isn't like her at all, and yet... every time she thinks about it at all? She's immediately pulled right back into what it had been like as a Cie'th, that feeling like never being able to escape, of despair and anger and the hopeless regret that had made up every second of her forced transformation...

Basically, you've been living with an emotional time-bomb and probably didn't know it, Aerith. ]

Keep trying to what?

[She's a little lost, unsure exactly what Light means, but she is getting the picture that the other woman has been keeping her upset deeply buried since that unraveling in the rain. She didn't know it... but she wonders if she should have. It's not so different with what she's done, keeps doing, with thoughts of her death. Just burying it down, never mind what it gives root to.

She's worried. More than worried. She shakes her head.] We won't mess around then.

[ Lightning's not really making sense to herself, either, though she realizes that despite Aerith's words (that she probably repeated without catching the meaning, though Lightning doesn't know that), it's too late to just go back to doing what they were going to do before she'd abruptly exploded all over such a tiny little trigger.

Just... great.

Ability to claim it's nothing = completely at zero. And so, she just puts her face in her hands- not crying, but considering her usual demeanor it... might as well be about the same as messily bursting into tears. ]

[It alarms Aerith about as much as messily bursting into tears would have, as she thinks that might be the next step. And Light isn't the kind of person who does that easily.

How did this happen? Just because she said one stupid thing... but oh, how stupid it was! Dumb to say, dumb to think that Lightning's focus on Hope meant everything was okay with her now.]

We're sitting down now. [It's not just a suggestion this time as Aerith moves to the side, her hand at Light's upper arm pulling her toward a seat out of sight.] When you're tired you take a rest, and you've been pushing yourself a lot. Come on.

And...I'll go, if you need me to. But only if you need me to go.

[It's offered very hesitantly even in the undertone because she doesn't want to leave Light by herself--but she knows if it was her she'd want to be alone and feel stifled by another person.]

[ It's also pretty remarkable in itself that Lightning lets herself be pulled along, though the weird gesture soon disappears as she lowers her hands, her expression soured into conflicted annoyance.

Honestly, that focusing on Hope might also be part of why she's upset too- as if going through that isn't enough, she has to face the prospect of him having it happen too??

It's just fortunate that she doesn't really connect any of the events with Aerith, even if she had been a defining presence in two - probably because Cie'th are creatures mired in regret, and Aerith's been her close friend for quite a while. If Lightning's going to turn to a negative emotion here, it's... not resentment.

She's likely still too tense to sit, though; at best, she'll lean against the wall, arms crossed, eyes down. Okay, so she hasn't been practicing what she preaches very well, but she is aware of it, yes. Which makes figuring out what to do hard, when what she wants to do is just extract herself, ASAP. ]

Edited 2011-07-26 19:48 (UTC)

[And Aerith's smart enough to know when she's getting the best she can get, so she doesn't try forcing Light further. But if the other woman is going to stay standing she will too, moving away to give her a little space.]

...Are you really sure you want to practice with me? [Aerith crosses her arms lightly, shifting on her feet. She really isn't comfortable with this situation, but isn't this supposed to help? Her eyes are on Lightning's downturned face as she asks:] Light, what's wrong?

Edited 2011-07-26 19:55 (UTC)

What do you think is wrong?

[ She just disregards the first question, her voice low and quite a bit closer to "mumbling" than... well, she ever gets. And yeah, she's being difficult, but when it comes to expressing her feelings, while she's currently worked up... it's practically impossible to do straight-forwardly. ]

I'm stressed out. Big surprise.

It...kind of did surprise me, a little. [She smiles hesitantly.] I knew that things have been hard for you, of course, but you always seem so composed. [She thought it was something Light wanted to deal with alone...well, maybe it was, but that didn't mean she couldn't put in more of a helping hand.] ...I'll need to look harder.

Would training help you relax? Maybe we should do an actual fight to blow off steam.

[ Have a tiny scoff at that first part- pretty much everything is bound to agitate her by this point, but you know... having the fact that she's usually a cool cookie pointed out isn't really helping the case for putting Lightning in a better mood. ]

I don't know.

[ Just training isn't something she's really capable of any more - not without using magic at all, considering even her idle strength was affected by being Branded. Being a l'Cie is an irremovable part of her now... and that's not something she really wants to be reminded of at the moment. ]

Maybe we should just leave... it's not like the magic's going away any time soon.

[ ... Wow, bitter. ]

Light...

[...Well, that does it for her smile, both the scoff and bitter tone. Frustrated and hurt, she looks upset for a second before she reins it in, closing her eyes and exhaling.

She's not going to let herself get in a bad mood about this, too. And right now she just feels guilty about everything that's led up to this--and those feelings need to go away before she can really think about how to make this better.]

Okay, let's go. No point sticking around!

[ And so 'leave' they do, Lightning in a tragically terrible mood still...

... Although it doesn't take long for her to start rethinking things. How much longer is she going to keep doing this- mired in her problems, lashing out at anyone who attempts to get close? As upset as she is... ]

-- I'm sorry. It's not your fault.

[ She doesn't look up, eyes narrowed at the ground as she walks, but still. ]

[She looks at Lightning from the side, her expression gentle.] I know. Thank you. [She does, but feelings are irrational--and it helps a lot to hear from Light that she isn't blamed.]

I'm sorry too. Sometimes I just don't know what's right or wrong to say to people. Tifa would be much better at this. I wish you could have been friends with her, too... [It would help, she thinks. Tifa had really cheered her up at times.]

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☈ strike #14 (action / voice)

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