thestormishere | ☈ strike #15 (action / video)

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☈ strike #15 (action / video)

[ For Lightning, because of the circumstances at the end of the last time she'd been drafted, this is actually the first time since her arrival she's ever had to go and try to readjust back to 'normal' life so suddenly- to go from experiencing days of battle and worry, thinking critically, ready to kill or order to kill at a moment's notice... to sleeping in a bed she's used to, eating breakfast in the morning, running for exercise, trying to figure out what else to do for the day...

The village might just be getting started on a whole new New Feather cycle, but Lightning doesn't really find it easy to care that much. She pays attention but mostly ignores what doesn't concern her-- aside from even more random strangers wandering through her yard, that is. Apparently that's just the price of living at house #41, so close to the plaza.

... Of course, something is still pretty off, too. Regardless of somehow managing to do a passable job before, she'd really rather not be having to go out and water the flowers around the house again-- Aerith's flowers. Especially since, like it or not, the guilt over not keeping an eye on the other woman that last day of the draft continues to plague her. She still doesn't know what happened to her, aside from the fact that she suddenly disappeared and just never came back... and yet she does know that others will probably be wondering where she is anyway. In a weird way, the l'Cie kind of considers handling it her duty... even if she'll still be eyeing anyone who gets near with obvious suspicion.

Unless your name happens to be Hope or Zack, of course, the former which has an upcoming birthday laying on her mind, and the other which... she needs to... kind of figure things out with. After that conversation right before everyone was sent off. Ohhhh boy.

If she's not caught in her yard, eventually she does leave her own territory, though, restless and looking for something to do. And after some time, she turns to the journals with a dry, vaguely annoyed-sounding inquiry: ]

Just... out of curiosity, who all is even looking after these fruit trees north of the village? [ A short pause, and she's clearly looking off, studying something a little bit overhead. Unsurprisingly, she's standing right alongside an apple tree, bearing a prodigious load of readying round fruit. ] Look about ready to harvest, out here...

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It came off one of the trees t-- ah, north of town.

[ It's not difficult to agitate Lightning in one way or another, but it's very rare indeed that she gets distracted enough to do something like trying to fall back on her old vocab, being from a place that has a pretty different concept of what north/south means. Her tone in uninterested anyway, though- who cares where it came from?

She turns her knees aside when he gets closer so that she doesn't, uh, flash him when he sits at a lower level than her, and... watches him so closely now, fhdusafg.

Is it really so hard to guess what might be on her mind? ]

[Not terribly hard, though he's wary of mentioning anything; after all, he'd made his intentions clear, and had given her the opening to make a choice. All that's left to do is wait for her to choose.

Not that waiting is easy, with all of... well, her right in front of him all the time. But he's a patient guy. He still wanted Aerith after four years, after all. Mind you, someone like Lightning might need a push now and then, if only a mention to say that it's okay to say what she needs to say. Or wants to say. Or to take her time. Decisions, decisions...

He bites the apple again, pondering his options for a moment. Then-]

Don't push yourself. It's okay to give yourself some time.

[Time to think, time to wonder, time to consider the possibilities.

Time to grieve. Aerith's still gone.]

[ -- She figures he already knows, and has to suppress reaction at the thought while she looks away, listening as he bites into and chews the apple she gave him. However, at the comment... she really does give a sigh, slow and quiet, and leans forward until her elbows are on her legs again, raising a hand to rest her chin into it.

Time, right. As if she's ever been one to keep herself from barreling into things head on. The funny thing is, for once in her life, she has been taking it slow. She's conflicted. Ever since she was fifteen, her entire life has revolved around focusing on making sure other people are happy while holding herself at a distance. This time, it's more about her, and because of that she's not quite sure how to act.

And now it's just... while it feels weird to even consider dating Zack or-- whatever it was they were alluding to in their discussion right before the draft, it's even weirder to just leave it there, hanging in the air all unaddressed while they awkwardly continue on with life without one of their own alongside them.

Also, there's this: ]

... She would have gotten mad at me, if I had tried to protect her any more, but...

[ GUILT. She's not self-loathing enough to ignore her own competence - she'd meant her words when she'd argued towards being appointed first mate of the cargo ship - but it still doesn't feel right to her. Aerith is her friend and there should have been something she could have done more, to make sure nothing happened to her... right? ]

I don't think she'd be mad. Exasperated maybe- she wants us to know she's strong. But Aerith isn't the type to resent someone for protecting her.

[She wouldn't have indulged Daisy for four years if that wasn't the case. And Zack isn't exactly the most willing to let her fling herself into danger without some sort of guarding, either. He's still getting used to difference between Aerith of "back then" and the Aerith of today, but her kindness hasn't really budged an inch. She's never blamed someone of something they weren't responsible for. Her forgiveness of him is all the proof he needs for that.]

[ Well Zack, you manage to get close to Lightning... and you also get to witness her emotions and personal problems in hi-def: here especially, her constantly-trampled-on desire to protect what she actually cares about. He's the closest outlet she's got right now; while there's Hope... there's only so much you can lay on a teenager who looks up to you.

And while Baldr's a decent listener as well, he doesn't really understand concepts much more complicated than simply being there when his people are too upset about something to want to play. ]

I tried to, Zack.

[ She pauses, uncertain, and after a beat lets her arms fall to drape across her knees before turning to look at him again- as if she's about to say something more... despite nothing at all coming out. She's not even sure what it would be. An apology? Asking if she should have tried harder?

Frankly, she's not even sure what she's looking for out of this from him-- or how it relates at all to anything else. Here she is blatantly opening up to the guy she likes and-- it's not his job to handle Aerith's feelings, but...

Ugh, feelings. ]

[Zack glances over at her, rolling the apple idly between his hands.]

I know that, and Aerith will know it too, when she gets back. It's not your fault.

[He's firm on that stance, unwilling to change his opinion. The last thing any of them need is a lot of finger-pointing in the midst of this grief, even if it's self-blaming.]

I know. But...

[ Frustrated tone aside, she isn't objecting to his opinion - blaming herself for something another person did, in a case where both of them had been taking on so many responsibilities otherwise, doesn't make sense no matter how it's spun.

But.

Very, very slowly, she slides off the back of the couch, lowering herself to the actual seat with oddly stiff movements. Her agitation might as well be visibly hanging in the air around her, as she leans heavily against the arm rest. ]

I can tell myself that all I want, that I shouldn't feel guilty. I can act like everything's okay, but I'm still--

[ ... Oh, so actually this might be even more complicated, and to boot... it's in a way that she still can't just bring herself to blurt out. Instead, gritting her teeth and eyes down, she lifts a hand and puts it over her heart, fingers over the location of her hidden Brand.

She's already a person susceptible to this sort of thing, but by now it's practically a given that her regret is being amplified even several months later by the circumstances around her death.

And to know that her rationality is potentially compromised, and yet being unable to convince herself around it? That's a hard blow for someone who values her willpower. ]

[He purses his lips, and with her down on the couch and therefore closer to him, it doesn't take him more than a moment to reach out and set his hand over hers- the one on her chest. She touches that spot - the Brand - a lot, he's noticed. And he can't put a finger on why, exactly, since she's told him it's better now, but... it bothers him. It really does. He gives her hand a light squeeze, his gaze lowering a little.]

I know. I felt that way too. This time, and... back then.

[When she'd died, when he'd been here and helpless. He couldn't have done a damn thing to save her, much as he'd wanted to. And now it's happened again.

Surely Aerith must have felt the same when Light had been taken from them, however briefly. There's nothing wrong with letting it hurt, however... it's just tricky, plain and simple.]

[ The gesture's definitely habitual. The thing wrecked her life and tried its best to wreck her mind too, so although she and Hope are 'safe' for now, and at last she doesn't have to worry about him experiencing what happened to her... that doesn't negate their screwed-up pasts and uncertain futures--

She glances over to stare at Zack, and her stomach does what feels an awful lot like a slow flip in the place below her ribs. It's not really as pronounced as it could have been though, especially given the position. Her head's in an unusual place, for once not bothering to double-guess motives.

A long moment later, her gaze drops, and she lowers her hand to push his down and away..... but then slowly turns it over, so that hers lays on top of his in the space between them. Troubled, yes; clingy, no. Buuuuut.

... It's okay if it stays like that for a minute more, right? ]

[Not exactly- a moment or so after she touches his hand, he curls his fingers around to hold hers instead of just resting one upon the other. His grasp is gentle, but firm, intent on sending a very clear message: he's here. He's staying. Get ready for the long haul.

Sometimes it's just good to indulge in some supportive company, and she needs to know that.]

[ Oh, okay. Lightning blinks at that, at how strangely warm his fingers seem against her own-- and surprisingly free of awkwardness, despite how thoroughly she'd destroy most who would even dare to think of trying something like that with her otherwise.

If nothing else, it gives her space to think, mulling over the facts and his words without feeling quite as weighted down by all the other crap in her head. Without the things that block out the less horrifying memories--

You can't shoulder everything you know. You really should lighten up sometimes...

For a moment she looks surprised, but then shakes her head, banishing the bittersweet feeling and sepia-toned echo of her sister's concerned words with a sigh. Now isn't the time to pile how badly she misses her on top of everything else too... after yet another beat or two of silence, finally, she looks up. ]

... Thanks, Zack.

You don't have to thank me for this. [He smiles anyway, though, because he's glad that she accepted the gesture, rather than pushing him away. He wouldn't have blamed her for that, even if it would've made him sad to see it. He doesn't withdraw yet, giving the control of their situation over to her to see what she does. She's the one who gets to decide if they progress from here, or how far, or if it isn't time yet. Considering the circumstance, he's not keen on pushing her emotions in any one direction.]

[ Yeah, Lightning's got a fairly good sense of when you need to let people close or. Risk implosion. However, honestly, this is... a lot closer than she's used to for sure. She isn't quuiite comfortable enough to continue the hand-holding thing with this conversation popping up, and so pulls away slowly after a second, straightening a little more. Her eyes stay on him, though. ]

No... not just for this. For... staying around, no matter what.

[ Her expression kind of wavers. Hopefully that makes sense to him, because while she could list all of the things she means, it'd probably... take quite a while. Still being there after all the craziness, doing more than just feeling sorry for her during her battle with turning Cie'th, not getting all weird after that particular experiment in February... all of that, that kind of thing, is incredibly important to someone like her. ]

[He tucks his hand back with the other in his lap, smiling softly as he relaxes against the back of the couch.]

Well... the feeling's mutual, you know. You guys are here for me just like I am for you. It's what being a family is all about, right?

[He can't imagine being alone all the time- like the draft, with the three of them all gone, and him stuck here with the dogs. It had been so lonely he'd talked to animals more in those few days than he'd done in his entire life. And the flowers, and the furniture, and anything else that even vaguely resembled a face. (Complimenting the exterior of the house was when he knew he was going a bit nuts.) Having people around was just such a natural desire for him. Being alone... it's too much like the labs. He can't handle it.]

Hm. Pretty crazy family.

[ Said with a kind of dry, sad humor, but she does smile just barely at that. She's already considered it a lot- maybe it's a bit more common here in Luceti, where "real" families are constantly torn apart and people have to make do, but most back on Cocoon... they would have found it hard to comprehend the sort of family they're talking about now- the sort that springs up out of hardship and the bonds made there, unrelated to but as strong or stronger than genetic ties...

Which is kind of sad, really. It's nice to know there's people who don't resent having to drag you home and take care of you when you... happen to be something like involuntarily dead-drunk or covered in battle wounds. ]

I'll take crazy over boring any day.

[And he got a smile out of her! He'll take even a little one over her quiet brooding. More than that, he's glad that she can appreciate his sincerity, even if it sometimes seems a little silly. Because he does mean it- he considers them to be a family for him, now. And he hasn't had a family for around ten years, so that's kind of saying something.]

[ Ah, right... at some point she's really going to have to dig after the whole story on why he ditched what he had to begin with. What she does know is hardly sufficient... ]

Hmph. [ She tilts her head back slightly. ] I don't think any of us are 'normal,' that's for sure.

[ And then there's the pause, that odd awkwardness seemingly at odds with her general demeanor. Her faint smile fades as she looks down, her brows coming together in a bit of bothered thoughtfulness. Baaaack to the original but unspoken topic-- ]

... Pretty sure I've managed to steal a lot more lives than hearts, Zack...

[ Yep. Just. Throwing that out there. A sergeant-turned-l'Cie with a personality like hers? That's hardly your 'usual' girl... although on the other hand, Zack's been living in the same house as her for months now, and had to have known all that even before they moved in, so. ~~She'll get over herself soon, honest.~~ ]

Edited 2011-09-21 05:00 (UTC)

I'm not here to be a part of some romantic record of yours.

[He chuckles faintly, leaning back to cross his arms behind his head. So serious, Light. Though that is part of the appeal- since getting her to smile is like an added challenge and reward for each conversation. It made talking to Sephiroth fascinating every single time (well okay except for that last one) and it's the same in this case. Besides the physical attraction, anyway. That's new.]

You know, Aerith was my first girlfriend ever. I'm not exactly full of experience here, either.

[ Lightning huffs a quiet scoff, then briefly lifts her shoulders in a shrug- an unusual gesture from her, maybe, but what she generally uses in place of one just isn't as effective while sitting down anyway. It's not just that she has barely a hair over zero experience, it's also that she's... you know, a girl who's generally rejected what tiny bit of girltalk she's been exposed to over the years too. ]

'Experience.'

[ Oh wait, she sounds fairly dismissive about that, though. Mostly because... since when has lack of experience ever stood in the way of her managing to do anything (regardless of tiny little snags like maddeningly impossibility)? She looks up at the ceiling, then at him. ]

... I'm surprised.

Maybe what looks like experience is really just confidence? People have said that I'm good with the ladies, but it's probably more like sincerity and dumb luck that gets me anywhere.

[In other words? Inexperience doesn't bother him. It's all about honesty and emotion- just roll with it, whatever happens.]

[ She just does another sort-of shrug, very slight, to go with the return of her ghost-smirk. ]

Like falling through a roof. [ The roof of a girl who just happened to be open to the flirtations of the guy who dropped in so uninvited. 'Dumb luck' indeed. ] ...Maybe it depends on who's judging, too.

That could be part of it. Anyway, it really is better to judge someone by what you know of them, not their past or what you've heard about 'em. Your experience or inexperience doesn't matter to me. I like you for you. We're friends because we got to know each other, not because anybody told us to.

[ For a few seconds, it seems that once again Lightning is taking that very seriously. Judging someone from only what they've shown, liking them because of who they are rather than trusting the word of others... for a woman that's utterly reviled where she comes from...?

Man, she's tried to tell Zack about all her stupid issues! She wouldn't want to present herself as something she's not in this kind of thing, whether it's simple friendship or... just a little more than that. ]

You make it pretty hard not to like you, Zack.

[ ADMITTING IT, SORT OF? As if it wasn't already obvious from before. But. She's a big girl anyway- this definitely isn't the best time for this, but it's not the worst, either. Her seriousness softens with her voice, with a kind of a small, ironic smile. ]

... Dating doesn't mean I'll go easy on you during sparring practice, though. So, you can forget that.

[ Because that's clearly all he's after, right? Her mock-sternness might be more subdued that it could be, although... well, even Lightning is sensitive to critically heavy situations needing some relief, especially in such an overall somber time such as now. ]

[Did... she seriously just say that?

...BOTH OF THOSE THINGS THAT SHE JUST SAID, DID SHE REALLY-

Okay, okay. Keep it cool. Though even as he thinks it, a much brighter smile is already crossing his lips, and he's not trying very hard to suppress it. He just got himself a hot date, didn't he? More than that, she's giving him a chance, it seems. And that means a lot to him right now.]

I'd be kind of insulted if you did, anyway. I like the challenge.

[As if his pursuit of her wasn't evidence enough of that. And there's a double-meaning there, as well- bring on the issues, Light. Bring on the problems and the bad moods and the serious nature. He's pretty damn sure he can handle it.]

[ AND THEN ZACK WOKE UP.

Nobutyes, those are indeed the words that came out of Lightning's mouth and-- nope, definitely not trying to keep from blushing or anything over here. Nope nope nope.

... Lightning's definitely happier when the people around her are happy, though... as long as they aren't being obnoxious about it. It's hard for her to sound too severe. ]

Tch... well, the same goes for you. Pull your hits and you'll be sorry.

☈ strike #15 (action / video)

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