☈ strike # 24 (private action / filtered voice / public video)

[thestormishere]

October 2nd, House 41
[ It's 2:49 in the morning when Lightning wakes up, her memories returning... and immediately it's as if the weight of all of it falling back into place is enough to crush her entirely. At first it's impossible to move except to roll over, hands on her face, stifling a groan of frustration many times stronger than what she'd felt during the time her mind had been cleared of everything down to and including even her name.

Anger. Anger is what she feels first of all, but it's subdued by the fact that for the second solid time in way too short of a span she's having memories coming back to her of living without knowing of things that happened beforehand... and unfortunately, she knows there's little she can do about it.

By 3:15 she's up, knowing that sleep is an impossibility even if she tried... and by 3:28, she's already following another bad feeling that she's all too familiar with by now but wishes she wasn't. That's when, once again, she wanders across an empty room that should have been filled by another and their belongings.

Vanille's gone home. And, with Hope having disappeared in the time she'd gone home just to save the world and yet gain a one-way ticket to Valhalla and even more trouble, that means that she and Noel are the only ones left here from their particular universe instance.

She knows it's important that her friend is back where she belongs, to play out her role in rescuing Cocoon. It's important too that Hope is where he belongs, playing such an integral role as well throughout time.

But she'll miss them and misses them already, even if she was never that close with the former, and things had been awkward here given timeline discrepancies. It's yet another blow amongst many that keep trying to drag her down.

Grief is an emotion she's learned to deal with, however, and even if it sticks with her she knows all too well now that letting it weigh on her is something she can't afford. In the darkened realm of her house, she considers how precious time can be, when you've got it... how badly it can hurt, when you feel like you've wasted it.

... With quiet (read: unbooted) steps, her next stop is towards Zack's room, feeling relieved when the door's knob proves to be unlocked, and even stronger relief when the space beyond shows evidence of being lived in. It may be an unholy level of early in the morning, but it's about time she did this... ]

Later October 2nd, voice, filtered to Noel
Noel... I need to talk to you.

October 4th, Voice
[ It's been since before her disappearance and then almost immediate return that Lightning's made any sort of widely public, intentional post, but today apparently she's got something heavy enough on her mind to warrant attempting to soothe her curiosity.

It doesn't bother her so much though, and even those who have only seen or met her in passing should be able to tell that there's something subtly different about her- in a way that surpasses the fact that she's apparently sustained a haircut, and those wings fanned out slightly behind her are different colors than before, once-red wing turned white, once-white turned to silver and gold. She regards the journal thoughtfully a moment before speaking, her voice deliberately even. ]

If I remember correctly, the viewpoints over what happens to us after death... are as varied here as the worlds we're pulled in from. Reward and punishment, returning to where our spirits belonged in the first place... simply fading into oblivion....

[ She pauses, and a clock fixed to the wall behind her - an antique-looking, wooden piece of work - fills the air with steady ticks and tocks as she takes in a breath or two, looking up and over past the 'camera.' ]

When we die here, we return but a week later... although missing a piece of who we were before. [ Another breath. Tick, tock. ] What do you suppose happens, in the meantime?

Do you believe it is different than 'home?'

[ Sure, she knows this sort of thing's been brought up before, but... if it's ever been in these exact words, she definitely isn't going to waste her time digging through years of others' entries looking for it. ]

Comments

That filter

[handmotions]

Hey there, Lightning.

What did you need to talk about? [He's listening intently. ]

she worked hard on it

[thestormishere]

[ Meanwhile, her voice is as calm as ever... though uncharacteristically, she hasn't turned on the video like she usually does when talking to people. ]

First off... Vanille is gone.

[handmotions]

Vanille's gone too? [First Serah and now Vanille. It's difficult to lose people.]

Lightning, I'm sorry.

[His voice carries a sense of sadness. Concealing emotions didn't seem to be his thing. Noel couldn't help but feel powerless. There's nothing he could do to stop people from leaving.]

[thestormishere]

[ Lightning pauses, letting the apology hang in the air for a few moments. That clock that's going to be present in her message a few days later? There's no sign of it- all there is is silence so strong her breath is right on this side of audible, if Noel bothered to listen very closely. ]

... There's no need to apologize.

[ She skips over the 'she'll be happier' and/or the 'she's where she belongs' kind of things, for various levels of obviousness. No need.

And well, she could just reappear in a short time from now like she had anyway... but Lightning feels in her heart that that's probably not going to be the case this time. If the younger woman ever comes back, it's probably not going to be for a while. ]

[filtered; voice]

[ahappylie]

I suppose it must be different, don't you think? I don't remember anything from it, but, well, it can't be the same as home or I wouldn't be here.

[filtered; voice]

[thestormishere]

You mean then, that you have died here.

[ Totally neutral; she may as well be confirming that Okita's ever eaten from the grocery store with how unsurprised she seems about this. 8|;; ]

[filtered; voice]

[ahappylie]

Oh, yes. Some time ago, I passed away. It will happen the same when I return home, but here, at least, I came back.

[lulz totes open about it here for some reason. he's trying to sound cheery about how he's slated to die no matter what]

[filtered; voice]

[thestormishere]

[ Short pause. Can you hear the wrinkle in her brow at that? Weirdly enough, that kind of hits close to home, though in kind of an odd way- funny of how being healed of fatal afflictions can affect you... especially when Luceti gets in the way before you're healed back home and you kind of. Die while you're here. Yep. ]

... No matter how strongly one clings to life, its end is always inevitable.

[ -- Unless one happens to be immortal, of course, though even then it's pretty iffy. Especially if you're evil. But that's a tangent for another time. ]

[filtered; voice]

[ahappylie]

Yes, that is certainly a concrete fact of life. If only we remembered what happens here when we return, perhaps I would be more prepared for what is to come for me.

But this isn't about me, really. Are you concerned about your own end while here?

[action]

[wingenvy]

[He's pretty soundly asleep when she checks on him, but SOLDIER senses being enhanced as they are, the noise of the door opening is enough to rouse him. He stirs beneath the covers, rolling over and mumbling her name before he even sees who it is. Calling for her in bed is just kind of instinctive for him by now.]

Light...?

[action]

[thestormishere]

[ Oh, of course. She pauses at her name, noting dryly to herself that it's really the first time in several days that she's heard it (or really, recognized that that particular word could represent her). The thought of this latest trick on them all is enough to make her blood feel like boiling all over again... but she presses it down as she steps all the way in and quietly shuts the door behind her.

An awkward moment spent standing in the dark of her boyfriend(?)'s room while he's still half-asleep, and then she crosses to the bed, sighing before she slowly sits down at the foot of it.

... Hopefully he doesn't startle and try to jump up and strangle her for this... admittedly odd gesture, all things considered. That would... probably end up even more awkward and stuff. ]

[action]

[wingenvy]

[There will be no jumping, strangling, or attacking in general, though at the sudden weight on his bed, he stirs again and sits up, blinking blearily, his eyes a faintly ethereal glow in the shadows of the night, accented by the moonlight filtering through his window. He rubs at an eye, glancing around once he's recognized her.]

What time is it...? Is something wrong?

[action]

[thestormishere]

Not yet four.

[ She remains still, unfortunately not quite as glow-in-the-dark as he is-- aside from the sheer paleness of her skin, hair, and wings, of course. Lightly frowning down at the hand in her lap, she wonders if it's sunk in yet that the experiment's ended. ]

Shouldn't have woken you up. Sorry.

[voice]

[folklorist]

It d-depends I suppose on your beliefs. Back home there's a belief of karma and that when you die and come back as something different. Depending on how much good or bad karma you have when you're reincarnated it...determines what you'll be in your next life.

[ A pause. ] As for what happens here afterwards? I-I really can't say. I've never really...seen anything when it h-happened.

[voice]

[thestormishere]

So, there exists a... hierarchy of potential lives.

[ She skips the latter part, obviously, her interest a lot more focused on this little 'karma' tidbit. There's sort of a light flatness to her comment, making it at once fall just short of incredulous yet not quite all the way towards being a question. ]

[voice]

[folklorist]

Yes something like that exactly! The karmic belief is often found in Sikh, Buddhist, Hindu and Jain religions. They all have different views on the matter of what karma entails. [ He hums a little, pausing. ]

But...essentially if you, ah, do whatever it is you're supposed to do and have relatively good karma, when you pass on you'll be that much closer to, um, achieving nirvana. Or that's at least in the Buddhist view.

[voice]

[thestormishere]

What is it that determines what is 'good' or 'bad,' then?

[ Curiosity because... wow, can that difference be awfully ambiguous-- at least where she's from. ]

[hadtobeme]

Hm. Many different viewpoints, many beliefs. Different worlds, resurrection, ethereal remnants. Almost all suggest life after death, however.

[thestormishere]

And what do you think?

[ She's probably more interested in the general, but. The question's kind of obligatory after kind of having what she already said repeated back to her. ]

voice

[weaponry]

I'm not sure what happens after you die in my world. I know your soul lives on, or it can be easily reached, as people have been revived through a method that involves the use of a soul. Other than that, I'm not sure.

I think, in order to revive us, the Malnosso make us give something up as a cost for revival. An incentive for not dying again, or maybe just a price because it was necessary to get us functioning again. That's how I always viewed it.

voice

[thestormishere]

[ ... Interesting. She takes a moment to consider where to start. ]

A soul?

[fallenchosen]

[Zelos is still pretty new to Luceti and this journal-thing but, luckily, it hasn't been too difficult for him. The topic in question certainly intrigued him, regardless.]

That's a pretty deep question. I'm not really sure how to answer that.

[thestormishere]

[ At that Lightning huffs softly, with just the slightest bit of dry amusement. She sort of figures there's something more to it, if he bothered answering at all. ]

Well... figuring out what you believe in the first place might be a good start.

[fallenchosen]

Maybe. It's all a little too ambiguous for me. I'm more of a 'whatever happens, happens' kinda guy.

[thestormishere]

[ There's a long pause- juuust enough to probably be taken as a sign of her already giving up the conversation without any more effort expended. After a few more seconds, however: ]

Not really into making plans, then?

[ ... Could have gone either way there, yet she chooses another dry comment instead of wordiness. For now. ]