☇ Lightning (
thestormishere) wrote2012-11-21 07:08 pm
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Entry tags:
- @buffy,
- @emil castagnier,
- @fang,
- @helios,
- @misato,
- boyfrand nooooo,
- fate resignation go,
- for the last time,
- harder than it looks,
- it's freaking cold,
- loneliness... so we meet again,
- regrets and sorrow depot,
- sorting out a few things,
- there is a dog in this post,
- wat do,
- worst luceti anniversary ever
☈ strike # 25 (video / action)
[ After quite a while with nothing of special importance happening in her Luceti life, some time of relative peace rather than any events worthy of anything like bouts of anger or mind-consuming frustration... Wednesday morning, Lightning wakes and finds herself freezing. She's not in her own bed, and even though that in itself is not so unusual...
Zack's gone, and she knows it even before she's managed to sit all the way up. His room's gone bare, a sight way, way too familiar to her by now.
She doesn't cry, even though she's dealt with this sort of thing enough times during her stay that she figures it's bound to happen eventually. In a way she always knew that one day this would happen, had it on her mind even back when the two of them were just friends. Knew that even if they managed to keep from hurting each other somehow that their time here had an astronomically better chance of getting cut off abruptly than... whatever else.
Unsurprisingly, it's just as unpleasant as she feared, and since she can hardly do anything without visiting Guilt Station, she hates the thought that he must have felt like this when she'd disappeared a few months ago too. Worse is the fact that given the circumstances, she feels certain that, like Aerith's disappearance, this can't be anything but permanent.
She needs something to do and - she can't stay in this house alone she can't - so, she starts packing. There isn't much left; she didn't 'inherit' many things from the others, and her personal stores took a hit when she lost everything- aside from Zack's own weapons, what is here now is mostly what she happened to recollect since her return. Needless to say, it doesn't distract her for long, and before afternoon has much of a chance to take hold, she's forced to make the decision between finally leaving the house or... ]
Zack Fair has gone home.
[ The woman's voice is flat, her face expressionless but unhidden for the journals, her pride refusing to allow anything else. Even so, there remains an all-too-telling pause after she's gotten that most important part out, her tongue tied by the knowledge of just what going home means for him in particular. It takes her a moment to press on towards the rest of what she intended to say, but then- ]
The leadership of Brave Vesperia is left to Sokka, Luke, and Emil... under the concession that the name remains as it is. Everything else will need to be sorted out... as well as his bar shifts.
[ ... Another brief pause, but then there's just nothing more to add without prompting; lips turning down for just a moment, she cuts the initial message off right there.
And once that's done, there's not much else to do aside from what she probably should have done before gathering up all her belongings: scoping out somewhere else to go that's not the house she shared with her friends here for so long. Accompanied by her doggy shadow, she wanders the village with apparent purpose but... without an actual goal in mind.
At least a conscious goal, that is. By the evening, she's there at Good Spirits anyway, even though technically she doesn't have a reason to go any more. She simply slips in and finds a table to frown at, eventually wondering herself why she feels a need to be in public at all, when most people in her position (especially with a personality like hers) would be hiding away.
The answer's not too hard, but it keeps her mind occupied well enough. ]
Zack's gone, and she knows it even before she's managed to sit all the way up. His room's gone bare, a sight way, way too familiar to her by now.
She doesn't cry, even though she's dealt with this sort of thing enough times during her stay that she figures it's bound to happen eventually. In a way she always knew that one day this would happen, had it on her mind even back when the two of them were just friends. Knew that even if they managed to keep from hurting each other somehow that their time here had an astronomically better chance of getting cut off abruptly than... whatever else.
Unsurprisingly, it's just as unpleasant as she feared, and since she can hardly do anything without visiting Guilt Station, she hates the thought that he must have felt like this when she'd disappeared a few months ago too. Worse is the fact that given the circumstances, she feels certain that, like Aerith's disappearance, this can't be anything but permanent.
She needs something to do and - she can't stay in this house alone she can't - so, she starts packing. There isn't much left; she didn't 'inherit' many things from the others, and her personal stores took a hit when she lost everything- aside from Zack's own weapons, what is here now is mostly what she happened to recollect since her return. Needless to say, it doesn't distract her for long, and before afternoon has much of a chance to take hold, she's forced to make the decision between finally leaving the house or... ]
Zack Fair has gone home.
[ The woman's voice is flat, her face expressionless but unhidden for the journals, her pride refusing to allow anything else. Even so, there remains an all-too-telling pause after she's gotten that most important part out, her tongue tied by the knowledge of just what going home means for him in particular. It takes her a moment to press on towards the rest of what she intended to say, but then- ]
The leadership of Brave Vesperia is left to Sokka, Luke, and Emil... under the concession that the name remains as it is. Everything else will need to be sorted out... as well as his bar shifts.
[ ... Another brief pause, but then there's just nothing more to add without prompting; lips turning down for just a moment, she cuts the initial message off right there.
And once that's done, there's not much else to do aside from what she probably should have done before gathering up all her belongings: scoping out somewhere else to go that's not the house she shared with her friends here for so long. Accompanied by her doggy shadow, she wanders the village with apparent purpose but... without an actual goal in mind.
At least a conscious goal, that is. By the evening, she's there at Good Spirits anyway, even though technically she doesn't have a reason to go any more. She simply slips in and finds a table to frown at, eventually wondering herself why she feels a need to be in public at all, when most people in her position (especially with a personality like hers) would be hiding away.
The answer's not too hard, but it keeps her mind occupied well enough. ]
[Voice]
[Voice]
You're Emil, right?
[Voice]
[...]
Are you Lightning? Zack told me about you. He said he'd introduce me to you someday, but...
[Voice]
[ She really wonders what he said about her, but she'd definitely already learned quite a while ago that she had to pick her battles, just subtly reminding him every once in a while not to spill something embarrassing, not really investigating the matter herself...
Now it's a moot point, and she falls silent after this admission, stomach feeling leaden. ]
[Voice]
[Voice]
[ Basically repeating his words back, but. If nothing else, at least she still has the ability to go on auto and pull out that smoother, calm tone, reminiscent of a time totally detached from where she is now-- back when she had control of - if not everything - at least a few things. ]
[Voice]
[Voice]
Good.
[ It's what Zack would have wanted to hear too, after all, even if he also likely would have mustered... a little more enthusiasm. Or a smile, at least.
That's probably not gonna happen here. ]
[Voice]
Will you be all right?
[Voice]
[ Sad, sure, but she also sounds certain about that at least. She's endured worse, and knows she stands to suffer something far darker back in her home-world if she fails at accomplishing a certain task set to her. Plus- ]
Losing myself would be a disservice to the time we shared here... to him, and the others who have left before him.
[Voice]
[Voice]
I think that... he would understand.
[ Because he'd known too, and when she had left, even if it was only temporary, she could sense that he'd been upset at her absence. And-- ]
[Voice]
I guess you're right, but I still think he wouldn't want us to be too upset over it.
[Voice]
I wish you luck with leading Brave Vesperia, Emil.
[ Which is... yeah, probably about the most blunt way to go about changing the subject and at once hinting the conversation's gone on far too long for her tastes, without outright dipping into saying blatantly rude things. It's safe to say she Doesn't Want to Talk About It. ]
[ video ]
and then he'd forgotten her.
but they'd started over and they'd built something beautiful in those four walls. an inviting space. a social space. a space she truly believes the village needs.
firmly: ] I'll look after the shifts, Lightning. Leave it to me. I'm sure you've enough on your plate as it is.
[ video ]
[ It's also clear that Lightning's uncomfortable though, and/or doesn't know what else to say. The woes of talking to someone who you've only had mostly awkward encounters with! ]
[ video ]
Well. You don't need me to say it.
[ video ]
But then she realizes that that's probably the point. There's likely plenty of people in this place that could go on and on about Zack, and yet still never even be close to being done hours later.
And there's... other matters, too. She doesn't know if Buffy is aware of what Zack's fate is, but if she was told there were others here who'd found out one way or another and she had to guess--
In the end, all she can do is simply repeat herself as her mind continues running silently, dipping her chin slightly with averted eyes. ]
Yes. Thank you.
[ video ]
her throat tightens. she won't cry -- she's so beyond tears, lately. but another little chunk of her heart has shattered at this news. for she does indeed know zack's fate -- she'd known it the last time he'd left, too. ]
If you need anything else...
[ lame. ] Even if you don't need it! Even if you just want it. I -- well, you know where to find me. Me and others like you and me who've walked this supremely ache-y path before.
[ but before she can be rebuked for her presumption, she shuts the journal. ]
no subject
[ But then Buffy's cut it off, and Lightning's forced to hold back what she might have said anyway (if anything), rethinking in the following moments of silence.
It does rub her the wrong way just a bit, even if she recognizes too that it was well-intentioned-- and that the "you don't know what it's like at all" vein of thoughts that cause most of her soreness here are childish and obvious besides. First of all, it's not like she's ever made a habit of talking about how screwed over fate's made her... and secondly, it's not any sort of secret that she's hardly alone in this fact. Lightning's known that for a loooong time.
Unhappiness isn't metered, expanding to fill whatever space it's allowed to enter, is the thought that comes to mind. Charming.
In any case, she won't be forgetting the offer; even if annoyed and more than a little conflicted, she'll still be visiting the bar later that day and likely afterward as well. ]
no subject
there has been so much loss, lately. and buffy's barely been able to cope with her own domino-trail of tragedy. her heart isn't quite in it when she approaches the other woman. ]
...Hi. Again. [ a few hours have passed, after all. ] Pick your poison.
no subject
She acknowledges the uselessness of playing around with indecision, so she's quick to come up with something even though she's not entirely sure she's interested in drinking anything, answering after a short hum of greeting and just a brief glance away for thought. ]
... Black forest?
no subject
no subject
Thanks.
[ Maybe it's a good thing to order something she's not very used to. At least then she won't be tempted to compare it to Zack's version. ]
no subject
Dammit -- [ she swears softly as she works. ] This is the second time I've had to watch him leave.
no subject
You were friends with him before as well.
[ It's neutral, a statement rather than a question, as she watches the other woman with an indirect gaze. ]
no subject
He was one of my first close friends, here. [ him and aerith and almost-cloud... ]
no subject
[voice]
[ Even if he didn't exactly know Zack all too well. It's always hard to have someone you know leave this place. He isn't too familiar with Lightning but...it's always nice to have some consolation on these sorts of matters, isn't it? ] Are you doing alright?
[voice]
... As well as could be expected.
[ It's noncommittal and nothing if not vague, but there you go. She doesn't even know if he knows of her and Zack's relationship. They never made it a secret, but she'd managed to surprise a few people here and there despite that anyway.... ]
[voice]
If-if you want anyone to, ah, t-talk to...I wouldn't mind listening. I've been told that I am quite the good listener. [ A light laugh. ]
But perhaps you could...plant some flowers in the memory garden for them. I-I know that, that helps me at times.
no subject
Especially since she has the explicit knowledge of how many of them die or - if not that - how they go on to lead a life that's hardly pleasant. The ones she doesn't know the fate of (her sister in particular) are a source of worry too. There's no winning here. ]
Flowers fade, or are easily destroyed... [ Her voice is soft, as she thinks about all those flowers Aerith planted that were ruined in the flood a while back. ] But, I do not intend to forget.
[action]
Can I get you anything? [She hasn't checked her journal in a few hours, so she is unaware that anything is wrong.]
[action]
The other woman doesn't seem sympathetic or anything, however, which - if Lightning's any judge of expected behavior out of what she knows of the penguin-owner - means that she probably doesn't know yet.
Great.
She frowns but stops herself before she just goes along with being dismissive, looking up towards the bar. ]
... What's on the counter?
[action]
I can mix you up something special. Are you looking for something with a little bite, or something sweeter?
[action]
... She finds herself a little annoyed, the truth that Zack would be better at both knowing and then making what she likes rising to the front of her mind, unbidden. ]
Neither, really. [ She straightens a bit (and surprises herself with how much she can straighten, too). ] You could say I... don't have much of a sweet tooth.
[ -- Or too much of an alcohol tolerance, as far as she knows. ]
[action]
no subject
[ ... Yeah, this is uncomfortable-- and Lightning hates that. She shakes her head slightly, amending an intentionally less sullen: ]
That would be good. Thank you.
no subject
Rum and coke, plain and simple.
no subject
[ She automatically reaches out to put her fingers around the glass, pulling it a few inches closer-- and then sighs. The minute or two that the other woman spends away is just enough for Lightning to spend some time with her thoughts... and to preempt the need to ask or wonder what her deal is any longer. ]
... Zack's gone home.
no subject
[She didn't really know Zack outside of work, but it was always sad to see people go.]
no subject
... I've already spoken with Buffy about his shifts here.
[ As if... that's the important thing here. ]
[Voice]
Sorry to hear that, Light.
[What else is there that anyone could say?]
[Voice]
[ ... Not very insightful, no, but Lightning doesn't seem too set on adding more- at least at first. She's in the middle of folding up blankets anyway, her opened journal nearby receiving only secondary attention to her thoughts and busywork. ]
[Voice]
Plans tonight?
no subject
Eating all the chocolate in this village, duh.]No.
[ Shaking her head as she answers is practically a given... and she knows what's likely to come next. She takes a audibly deep breath, just waiting for it.
She knows she has the ability to be better than this, remembers conversations that this situation somewhat echoes, but... being the girl with the objective words about it can come later. All things considered, she doesn't feel in the mood for what she'd consider being herself right now. ]
no subject
Figure we got two options then, yea? [Fang'll just let that settle in for a moment. Yes, it's clear she's trying to bait Light, anyone with half a brain should be able to realize that but she's never been shy with her intentions.]
no subject
[ Even if she does have the slightest idea, her dispassionate answer's not really leaving any room to doubt that she's expecting things to be spelled out pretty clearly at the moment. Playing along easily isn't really in her interests normally... but is something that's especially true now. ]
no subject